Monday, October 18, 2010

Final Rizzles Rewind Recap: Money for Nothing

I'm really sad this is the last recap. Well, until next summer (which can't come fast enough). But I'll still be stalking Sasha/Angie (new Sasha interview video being posted tomorrow!)

So, my recaps are like Harry Potter books. Not only is each one longer than the last, but more screencaps. Also, the screencaps get bigger when you click on them, which is like magic... Anyway, let's do this shizz.

*First off, Rizzles stretching... hot.

*Anyway, they're stretching for their run (they are training for the Boston Marathon) and watching as some girl flirts with a guy.
What she said: Do you believe in love at first sight?
What she meant: Oh, Maura. I fell in love with you the first moment I saw you.
What she said: Immediate attraction is pure narcissism. ("Ugh, you're so literal!")
What she meant: I also fell in love with you the first moment I saw you. I'm just bitter about these straight people who get to flirt out in the open and it's taken for what it is, but people confuse our flirting for friendship.
What she said: Oh, I don't agree.
What she meant: I'm a little offended that you didn't say, "Yes, Jane. I believe in it because it happened when I laid my eyes on you and your Butchy McFabulousness.
What she said: It takes quite a lot of effort to attract a mate.
What she meant: Look at all of the effort I put into attracting you. Showing you how flexible I am in yoga classes, fixing you up on dates with men so you realize that I'm the better pick, showing off that I'm a smartie to impress you, and wooing you with gifts of baby tortoises. And later in this episode, I'll even take you as my date to a fancy-schmancy dinner party.

"That right there is the beginning of true love."
She meant to point at herself and Maura... But look at how mushy Jane's getting! That's what happens when you're in love...
*Cut back to the girl flirting with the guy. The guy's boyfriend runs up and kisses him. Maura makes this face:

Yeah, I feel the same way, Maura. Two guys get to kiss on the show, but you and Jane don't? I mean, in the next episode, Jane doesn't even get a proper girl-on-girl kiss. Definitely unfair.
*The girl feels disappointed and rejected.

What she does: Laughs.
What she's thinking: I love seeing that look on guys' faces when Jane and I do the same thing.

*So, Rizzles don't get to go on their run (but who cares, we just wanted to see them stretch...) because their phones go off.
Maura: "Something tells me we're not getting in much of a run." But it's okay. We'll work out together later tonight... *wink*

I think it would save the Boston Police Department a little money if Rizzles just shared a phone for work. I mean, they are always together.
*A floater was found in the water. And Maura knows him. Jane, of course, runs to comfort her lady.

Jane finds out that Maura knows the guy because she dated his brother. Jane asks, "Was it serious?" Alright, Jane... This isn't the time for you to have one of your famous jealous freak-outs. Jane does restrain herself.
*Let's talk about this... This, children, is the difference between appropriate and inappropriate hand placement.

It's also how you can go from being "just friends" to "more than friends" in only a few inches.
*The gang head over to the Fairfield estate. Jane's a little miffed that she can't compete with the Fairfield's money.

Oh Jane, you don't have to be rich to be her girl...
*Maura: "He's always liked the finer things in life."
Jane: "Yeah, he liked you."
Yeah, that's not just "subtext" anymore...

Yes, that is Jane checkin' out Maura's ass.
*Eye sex!

*We meet the loser Garrett and his family. And the family lawyer who tries to box block Jane. But Jane is quickly able to ditch him so she can keep tabs on Maura and size up the competition.

Nope. Not worried.
Oh, no! Maura takes Garrett's side.

Jane is troubled. (As was I when I saw this episode for the first time.)
What she said: Space? How much space do they need?
What she meant: What the crap. I thought we were in a committed relationship.
*Oh, crap. Dyke drama.

What she said: So, what are we arguing about here? History? Or are you just mad at me for who my friends are?
What she meant: ...Or are you just made at me for dating men?
What she said: This is about work.
What she meant: This is about our relationship.

What she said: I've just never seen you hugging suspects before.
What she meant: I've just never seen you hugging men before, not to mention the fact that he's your ex-boyfriend.
Not everyone's a gold star lesbian, Jane.
*So, the not-so-ambiguously les duo starts avoiding each other. Maura calls Korsack in about the autopsy.
Korsack: "Do you want to tell me why I'm really here on Jane's case." "I've been a cop a long time. I know when people aren't telling me the whole story."
Maura: "Jane's mad at me." (Korsack: "Oh boy." I know, right... dyke drama...)

What she said: She thinks I'm being biased because I'm acquainted with the family.
What she meant: She thinks that me being with her is just an experiment and I'll run back to Heteroville.
Korsack: "Acquainted? I heard it was a little more than that."
What he said: We didn't have a lot, but we had each other's backs. Sounds to me like all Jane wants to know is do you have hers or not.
What he meant: ...Sounds to me like all she wants to know is if you really love her or not.
*Awww... Jane's all mopey because she misses Maura.

*I could watch Maura eat oysters all day. Even though oysters are nasty and I can only think about Jenny Schecter comparing them to men's... stuff.

*Jane finally goes to apologize with Maura with chocolate. So gay.
"I thought it would be fun to try." And then we can try some other fun things... in the bedroom.

*What she said: Is this an apology?

What her smile said: I really hope you're apologizing so we can have crazy, hot makeup sex.
Nope, more dyke drama...

What she said: You looked really at home in that world.
What she meant: You looked really at home in that straight and suppressed world.

Maura: "It's where I'm from, but it's not where I chose to say."
Jane: "Well, what are you doing down here slummin' with us me?"
What she said: I'm not even sure whose side you're on.
What she meant: I'm not even sure whose side you're batting for anymore.

What Maura's face said: What the crap?
*Maura takes one for the team and kisses Garrett so she can get information out of him. The difference between butch/femme: Jane uses her fists and Maura uses her lips.
Jane: "Why are you doin' this?"
What she said: Because I have your back.
What she meant: Because I love you.


What she said: Wanna get a drink?
What she meant: Wanna get a drink and have a quickie in the bathroom?
Oh, it's so good to see them back together.
And I just love how ridiculously sexy Maura is when she says, "Will it have gold flecks in it?" And so does Jane.

*Jane: "You wanna tell me what happened with Garrett?"

Don't worry, Jane. She loves you now and only kissed him for undercover work. Maura doesn't even ask when you had the lesbian bar chick's saliva on your neck.
What she said: There's not much to tell.

What she meant: Everyone that came before you is meaningless, Jane.
Jane's not havin' it.

She knows that Maura's just embarrassed of her "straight" days.

Maura: "I loved that guy."

That is not what Jane wanted to hear.
What she said: You know when you're so in love that you feel like you took some sort of a substance?
What she meant: You know when you're so in love that you feel like you took some sort of a substance? It wasn't like that. Not like it is with you.

Yep, those eyes are just screaming their love for each other. And their neighbors will probably be able to hear other kinds of screams of love later tonight...
*Maura has a present for Jane. Seriously, they give each other a lot of presents... Adam Fairfield is having a memorial.
What she said: I want you to be my guest.

What she meant: I want you to be my date.
*And then there's flirting...

Jane: "Won't I embarrass you?"
Maura: "Probably. But haven't I embarrassed you?"
Jane: "No... more than a half a dozen times."
And even more flirting...

*What a butch... Rizzoli wants to wear her work clothes as her "going out" clothes again.

*They're going shopping for cocktail dresses together! Which is really just a euphemism for crazy public sex in dressing rooms...

*So, Jane and Maura are totally wearing the same shoes. Double homo already?
*Jane: "I feel like I'm at my junior prom."

That smile on Maura's face says she's thinking about ending their "junior prom" with the cliché of getting lucky at the end of the night.
Jane: "What?" And then she gets it...

But seriously, that was some long a-- staring...
*Jane gets a wedgie. And there's touching!

What she said: Can't you do this in the bathroom?
What she meant: Can't we do this in the bathroom together?

She really just doesn't understand why Jane just didn't choose to go without underwear like she did.
What she said: What? No, it'll just take a second.
What she thought: This woman is insatiable.
*MORE eye sex?

Come on, ladies... Keep it in your pants. Actually... please don't.
*I have to post this.

*Garrett comes over.
Maura: "You remember my friend, Jane Rizzoli?"
Friends that check out each other's boobs...

"'Cause they're good boobs!"
What he said: You're both absolutely breathtaking.
What he meant: You are a beautiful couple.

(In the top screencap, just look at how Maura is looking at Jane. So precious.)
Jane & Maura--
What they said: Thank you.
What they meant: We know.
*Gah! Does anyone in the world have sexier hands than these?

I seriously took eight screencaps of just this woman's hands...
*Okay, I'm not even gonna go there with a joke about the fish squirting Jane... But you all know what I'm thinking... and if you don't, way to keep your mind out of the gutter!
*Sure, Jane's making a scene, but look at those smiles.

Maura: "Just eat it. It's delicious."
Once again, too easy...
*Maura is holding Jane's wrist!

*So much eye sex in this episode...

*It's the end of the episode, which means it's time to pin the bad guy. Jane is so happy that it seems like Garrett Fairfield is the killer. He did sleep with her girlfriend back in the day.

Let's just say it's her version "hitting him with a brick."
*Maura isn't thrilled that she slept with a killer (isn't that a Lifetime movie or something?). So, Jane goes to comfort her.

Jane: "There's a reason that you didn't commit to him after college."
That has nothing to do with the fact that he's a murderer, Jane. Um, she likes women.
Jane: "It's called 'gut instinct.'"
Once again, wrong. It's called 'lesbianism.' But I forgive you, Jane. You called Maura "sweetie" and that just warms my little gay heart.
*The obligatory Rizzles love end scene.

So much love!!!

Coming this week: Sasha Alexander interview, more Girls With Guns, and more Maurizona. Possibly more NCIS and Last Lullaby (both have been waiting for me to watch them for far too long now).


nicole said...

i love your recaps!! they're all about the subtext and the "what she said", "what she meant" thing cracks me up!
this was my favorite episode and you racapped it awesomely :) i can't wait for your recaps on the new season and your Kate Todd posts among others :D

MormonLesbian said...


Anonymous said...

thanks for the funny and awesome review!

there's a new serious called lost girl with some delicious subtext, you should check it out.

cant wait for you maurizona post!


Anonymous said...

I love these recaps, and I'm glad they got longer and longer! This one is so hilarious again, and full of yummy screencaps. Thanks again :-).

MormonLesbian said...

I have heard about Lost Girl. I'm still looking for a place to watch it online.

notsure2010 said...

I had forgotten how much eye sex there was in this episode--thanks for the reminder!

Anonymous said...

such a great recap. if you had a drinking game based on how much eye sex is in this recap or was in the episode you'd be hungover so much the next morning. LOL. also i can't help but post that at first i considered that maybe maura was looking at the champagne glasses and not jane's boobs but no glasses are that interesting and nobody smiles like that at champagne. lol

MormonLesbian said...

I'll be honest, Maura was totally looking at the champagne glasses. Less than a half a second later, she takes her glass back from Jane. But that's why screencaps are magic, haha.

Anonymous said...

so magical. lol