11 Signs That You Are Gay

All of these are drawn from my own life where I should have gone, "Oh, I'm actually a raging homosexual." So, I decided to write a little posty post because of the many times a day, when I'm reflecting on my life, I think, "Damn. How did I not know?"

11. I was six (yes, six) and seven, and I had a crush on my 1st/2nd grade teacher. She's a woman (and seriously? Gorgeous with great hair. Well, from what I can remember). And I had a crush on another girl in my class, Whitney. She was one year older, brilliant, and fantastic. I didn't know that they were crushes at the time. I just knew that I wanted to be near them all of the time, I gave them my desserts from my lunch, and I loved the way they smelled. I always found excuses to hug them, which they (well, just Whitney) thought was weird.

10. I was ten and had a huge crush on a friend. Once again, still didn't know that that's what it was. I got very jealous of the boys she "dated." And I would always talk about how she was the prettiest/funniest girl I knew. P.S. Not that funny. Just pretty.

9. When I was in middle school, I secretly checked out books from the library about gay people. I remember my friend saying that she checked out a book and stopped reading when she realized it was about gay people and she just couldn't relate to the stories.

So, I promptly went to the library, checked the book out, and hid it so my mom wouldn't find it. What was my justification for this? I don't even remember.

8. Fast-forward to high school... I secretly rented/watched LGBT movies.


And watched Logo when it launched.

(They aired re-runs of this show... If you can name it, then I'm gonna think you're awesome... more awesome than I already think you are.)
If you took note, my selections were gay men-inclusive, which may be why it didn't sink in that I was a big ol' lez. Anywho, I could seriously talk about my long-standing love of gay media for days...

7. I was obsessed with TLC's Trading Spaces and While You Were Out. Not for the same reasons as my straight girl friends... Well, I do like the design and whatnot.
But Ty Pennington and Evan Farmer?


No, thanks.
I preferred Hildi Santo-Tomas,

Paige Davis,

and Genevieve Gorder.

And What Not to Wear... I do love the fashion stuff, but it's all about Stacy London...

...In heels and hot clothes.

6. So, you may or may not have heard of the game, "F---, Marry, Kill." You get three celebrities/people and you have to say who you'd eff, marry, and kill. The Mormon version is "Kiss, Marry, Kill," which I think rolls of the tongue nicer, but whatever. My favorite match-ups since I was in middle school were those with all women.

5. I hear that most straight girls enjoy kissing boys. These words have left my mouth, "I enjoy kissing my dog more than my boyfriend." (And the boyfriend thing... long story...)

4. My boyfriend and I did check out the same girls... And he totally called me out on it. We also had a very heated debate about whether or not Julianne Moore is hot.

My boyfriend was an idiot.

3. On my computer, I had a file folder full of pictures of hot actresses (still do, well, several folders). I told myself that it was just because I thought they were good actresses. Which for the likes of Michelle Pfeiffer and Catherine Zeta-Jones...


...that's acceptable. But Rachael Leigh Cook?

Three words: She's All That.
But still, even if I liked their acting, why did I need pictures of them?

2. I just about died when Arizona Robbins said, "I had a poster on my wall of Cindy Crawford, and I wasn't just lookin' at her mole."

I remember the Pepsi commercials with Cindy Crawford from when I was a kid quite vividly. What reason is there for a straight girl to enjoy those commercials? How did I not know? Because, honestly, I wasn't just lookin' at her mole. I actually thought that she was in Coke commercials. That's how much I was paying attention to the product...



I gotta say... I prefer the older Crawford.

1. I had the biggest crush on Michelle Pfeiffer. I watched I Am Sam hundreds of times because... damn, she's hot. I mean, I think I would have still liked the film, but Pfeiffer made it my obsession for a summer.
I should have known I was gay when I said that I liked Grease 2. The movie is not good! But Michelle Pfeiffer is hot.
Then in my freshmen year of college, I got in a very serious debate with my boyfriend's uncle because he didn't find her attractive.

And that's just blasphemy.

Honestly, I'm not an idiot. And I wasn't an idiot. Just blind. Like a certain medical examiner once said, "It only takes 150 IQ points to be a genius."

And that same medical examiner (and her detective friend) prove that you can be really smart, perceptive, etc., but still be blind to your own blatant homosexuality.

Were there any obvious signs that you missed growing up?

Coming Tomorrow: Mane Attraction, Pt. II