Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Got Rice?

One of the most offensive things you can say to me is that I'm not really Asian and that I'm white. You have to be a REALLY good friend to not upset me (e.g., my husband, my bestie, my mom... actually, if you aren't one of those three people, just don't do it... unless you're Asian too). I've had people that have just met me tell me that they are more Asian than me after they find out that I don't speak any Asian languages. Really? As my best friend would say, "I don't care if you speak every Asian language there is, you aren't more Asian."

Alright, no, I don't speak any Asian languages. I don't watch anime (okay, okay, I used to watch Rurouni Kenshin...) or read manga. I don't flash the peace sign in pictures. I don't have a Hello Kitty pencil case. (The last one is actually just a little inside joke between my mom and me... who I pray to Karen Walker never reads my blog, haha)

But I do call soy sauce 'shoyu.' I eat at least four cups of rice a week. I hate wearing shoes indoors (and everywhere, really). Upon reading it, one of my middle names is unpronounceable to pretty much all white people. I have hardcore Asian guilt.

And also, if I were white:
*I would never have gotten teased about my eyes. Which I'm totally cool with as that's how I learned some snappy retorts for making fun of white people.
Kid: Why are your eyes like that? *pulls eyes up with fingers*
Me: I don't know. Why are your eyes like this? *pulls eyes down with fingers*
*I would never have gotten jumped by two older kids in elementary school. Okay, "jumped" may be the wrong word as I didn't exactly lose the fight... I mean, after you get bitten and have your genitals kicked in by an angry little Asian girl, game's over.
*I would never have gotten called an "f**king chink" and had a lit cigarette flicked into my face in front of a bookstore.
*I would have never had an old white man at the airport call me a "gook" and tell his wife I probably don't even speak English.
*But also, I would have missed some of the perks because of people with Yellow Fever ;P
But I guess a lot of creepers have Yellow Fever too...

Being called white didn't bother me for the longest time. But that was back when I didn't like other Asians because I was projecting my self-hatred onto them. For me, being proud of being Asian is analogous to being proud of being me.

Okay, I'm actually not that uptight about being called white. It, like most things, depends heavily on tone and context.
Example of Something I'm Okay With:
Me: I don't do the peace sign in pictures.
Husband: That's because you aren't really Asian.
Example of Something I'm Not Okay With:
Me: Yeah, I'm Korean.
Person in a Bitchy Tone: No, you aren't even Asian! You're white!
Related Note: I am a total hypocrite and a terrible person because I often make jokes about people not really being gay, female, etc. But seriously, just give me a verbal bitchslap and I'll try to stop.

Enough of that!
Enjoy a little "Asian Appreciation" (Calm down if I missed someone... In case you didn't know, there are a lot of Asians in the world... And yeah, there are mostly Koreans here, buuuut... I'm a bit biased)

Lucy Liu

Bae Doona

Maggie Cheung

Grace Park

Zhang Ziyi

Faye Wong
Faye Wong covering The Cranberries:

(Seriously, Chungking Express is an amazing film)

Sandra Oh

(@neggett said I should've used a picture of Mulan as me back in the Nerds post, so I'm making up for it now)


Doom Kitteh said...

Oh gawd, that kind of makes me glad I don't look Hispanic...

I also get death glares from any Hispanic/Mexican housekeeper I work around at work because I don't speak a lick of Spanish but my name is nothing but... XD;

Although I do get annoyed, just a little on the inside, when someone says I'm white. Which is silly because I'm bloody white as fuck... rofl

Aaanyway, LUCY, FAYE, SANDRAH! All of the above...faaaantastic.

FSO-PB Allen said...

You are not white. I gave seen a photo of you Twin. You are a little Asian flower and all that jazz.

Just because they don't fit in general stereotypes about our culture doesn't mean we dont belong to that culture.

I don't drink a pint of Guinness a day, get into bar fights or have 9 siblings. But it doesn't make me any less Irish.

nicole said...

it totally looks like you!! that's all i can think about lol
but good post, i like it when you add a little bit of seriousness :)

paul said...

so i didnt read this before fb. and now i'm all. omg you like chungking fucking best friends.

also i call soy sauce toyo.

MormonLesbian said...

@Twin-"A little Asian flower" BAHAHAHHAA! LOVE it.

@Paul-Wong Kar Wai is AMAZEBALLS.

stephen e. hansen said...

nobody here! we need more.