Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Rizzoli & Isles: Booty Call

Dear Writers,
This is how you make your lezzie fanbase happy. I'll give you five LLBFF scenes for more of this awesome.

*Jane and Maura are watching the highlights from the previous night's baseball game (gay!)
I guess Maura convinced Jane the night before that sex is a better option than baseball.

And, of course, Maura can't help herself... "He is quite the male specimen." "I'd love to 'mega' him." (Well, I can't blame her. It is baseball.)
Jane's disapproval is about the 'bad language' Maura is using in front of her mother. Right, because 'mega'ing someone is very pornographic... (Seriously, it makes me feel really uncomfortable when Maura talks about non-Jane humans in a jump his/her bones sort of way. And then I have to keep reminding myself that they aren't really a couple. Or, you know, real people... But still. Not cool, Maura.)

But apparently Mama Rizzoli and Maura are always up at night painting each other's toenails and gushing about boys. Well, maybe 'gushing' isn't the word I want to use...
Angela: He's a hunk!
Jane: Okay, officially throwing up in my mouth.

(Side Note: Really, Rizzoli & Isles? Baseball. Ownership issues. Divorce. Kick me in the face, why don'tcha... Still a touchy subject for the Dodger fans)

But look who is out of prison these days!
Everyone's favorite oldest youngest brother: Tommy.
And Tommy has been doing some plumbing work for Maura.
Maura: Please let me pay you.
I know it's your first instinct these days, Maura, but please don't repay him with sexual favors.
But apparently there has already been some type of quid pro quo going on...
Jane: All you're doing for him?
Shoot, Jane knows that Maura's been ready to spread her legs for any Tom, Dick, or Harry this season...
Hairy Harry:
But Maura is just looking out for her girlfriend's brother, which is sweet. And that's all it better be... (I'm looking at you, Tamaro).
And after all the talk of letter writing to Tommy and whatnot, Jane finally calls Tommy a "screw-up" and a "felon," her voice dripping with disapproval. At least the R&I writers have an occasional brush-by with continuity (immediately followed by a "Do I know you?"...)
Maura: He's made some bad choices, but that doesn't make him a bad person.
Jane: Oh yeah, right. He did fix your flush valve.
Maura's Face: You know you're the only one that can even find my 'flush valve.' (Wait... That sounds gross.)

Maura gets a call that some dude has been found dead in the locker rooms at the baseball stadium. To Jane, this sounds like a great and cheap date idea.
And then Jane slaps Maura's ass.
(Which really isn't that lezzie to me because I slap the ass of every Peter, Paul, and Mary, but it's nonetheless awesome)

And finally it's Jane who is following Maura to places that aren't in her job description.
Chief: Go enjoy the game and I'll have Maura out by the bottom of the first.
Yeah, as if Jane would leave Maura alone with all those baseball players...
Jane: If it’s okay with you, I’m gonna wait here for Dr. Isles, alright?

Baseball Boy can't help but go chat up the hot detective.
Baseball Boy When He Finds Out Jane Actually Knows Who He Is: Impressive. Most women only know the superstar.
Um, well, she is a lez...
Baseball Boy: Call me. Wouldn’t mind being interrogated by you.
Thank Baby Jesus he didn’t hit on Maura. She would have replied with, “I wouldn’t mind polishing your bat.”
Jane: Heard that line. Like four million times.

Jane joins Maura in the showers (not like that) who is with the dead guy (probably to tell her about the loser that just gave her his number).
Maura finds the death to be suspicious, but Chief thinks nothing's wrong. And he yells at her that "It's just a slip-and-fall."
Jane's Face: Don't yell at my girlfriend. That's one...

Yeah, I don’t know why the broad from Parent Trap: Lindsay Lohan Edition can’t open her eyes all the way either...

Korsak: Rumor is Phil's trying to sell the team to Salt Lake City.
Jane: The Utah Pilgrims?
(And of course they'd change their names to the Utah Pioneers... With fireworks on the 24th of July. Yeah, I'm a little too excited about the fake sale.)

Maura: The murder weapon is a cylindrical, heavy, hard object.
You mean a dildo?

Team Homicide is getting jock blocked around every corner in the investigation.
Jane: Baseball Boy gave me his number. Maybe it's time I give him a call.
Frost: Yeah... a booty call.
Jane: Really? You do know I'm gay, right? (Okay, the last part didn't happen.)

Maura is also intrigued by this date and thinks it's booty call too.
Jane's Face: Really?
Maura does the logical thing in this situation... She starts to undress.
Jane's Face: Hey! That's my job.
Maura: Unzip me.
Jane (After Her and I Pick Our Jaws Up Off the Floor): Wha-Why?
Me: Don't ask questions! Do as the woman says!
Maura: Because you can’t go like that! We’ll trade clothes. (You know, since they are obviously the same size...)
Jane: Are you crazy? That dress wouldn't cover my... booty.
Me: And you'd need to do some bra stuffing too...
Maura wants to trade shoes, but Angie/Jane's terrifying toes won't fit.
Luckily, Maura is the MacGyver of fashion.
Maura: Peep toes!
Yeah, no one needs to be peepin' at her toes...
Maura: You look sexy.
Jane: You look like you’re wearing my clothes.
Yeah, she looks slammin'!

Jane and Maura have to stop by the vet's because Tommy took Jo Friday in and stirred up some brouhaha.
Vet: I called the police.
Jane: I am the police.
Vet: Vice?
And Jane gets all angryface at Maura for taking the vet's side that Jo Friday could be depressed.

Jane has her awkward date with Baseball Boy (who looks tiny in comparison to her... he needs to work on his posture)
However, Jane goes home with Maura.
Now that is a booty call.
Maura: Your suit is a real booty call magnet. I got hit on twice. By women.
And they were about to make it a third when some b-tard jacked Maura's TV!
Jane apologizes because Tommy is Suspect #1.
And Maura holds onto Jane for strength.

Jane and Frankie go confront Tommy to rough him up.
Meanwhile, Maura is adorable.

Jane wants a print from the inside of a latex glove that Frankie found in the trash at the stadium.
Maura: This is not CSI: Boston.
(Yeah, because CSI: Boston would probably be more realistic when it comes to the crime stuff...)
Maura pulls her version of withholding sex so that Jane will go apologize to Tommy when they find out it wasn't him who jacked her things.
Because she would give in too easily if she tried to withhold sex...

And Jane, I thought I told you this before. Do not go on dates with men because they are always murderers.

-Insert Adorable Banter Here About Maura and The Vet Being Wrong About Jo Friday-
Maura offers to reimburse Jane for the vet bill.
Maura: Check be okay, or would you feel safer with cash?
Oh, we all know how you'll be making it up to her...

(Also, this is my 100th Sasha Alexander post! I was going to post my Last Lullaby screencaps for the 100th, buuuut... that clearly didn't happen)

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Jane, Maura, and the Brown-Eyed Girl

Sorry for the late recap. First, my computer was being a whore (well, actually it was being a prude, as it was denying all of my applications). Then I may have forgotten to post it :)
But this episode was a little serious (stolen kid, not cool), a little irritating (all sense of realism was tossed out the window with this episode), and a little lacking in subtext (even though I'm surprised Maura didn't start foaming at the mouth over trying to hump the missing girl's father based off of how she's been the rest of the season, she can apparently keep it together when a child's life is at stake)

*Seriously, never trust a lady that looks like this:
I mean, really... With that unkempt hair, she probably doesn't have a very good candy.
*Maura's cleaning lady shrunk her clothes (bless her heart).
Maura: Does this make me look fat?
Jane's Face: Seriously?!

Jane: What do you weigh? Like 115 pounds?
Maura: 116.8!
Shoot, now I feel fat...

Jane: Maybe you don't have enough to do. (And I'm sure she has something in mind for Maura to do...)
Jane: Let's go the gym! (Or somewhere else to "work out"...)
And they disagree about how they should exercise.
'Zumba' is a sex position, right? The one where you put your right leg over... never mind.
And then Jane suggests something, besides sex, that everyone can agree on: Beer.
*Jane and Maura go off to interview the missing girl's brother about what he saw.
And somehow, Maura became the resident psychologist...

(Yeah, my recap is severely lacking because I couldn't deal with the shoddy policework and I refused to screencap Maura asking a corpse to help her with the investigation...)

Maura: Jane, I want to show you something. (Now's not the appropriate time for that! Play "I'll show you mine if you show me yours" later!)
*Jane and Maura discuss how Jane is left-handed.
And you know what they say about girls who are left-handed...

*That awkward moment when Angela and Korsak have more eyesex in the episode than Jane and Maura...
Well, Jane and Maura did have some very sad eyesex:
*Jane is talking to the father of the dead girl and Maura is creeping on Jane...
(Okay, that's not exactly what happened, but it's less depressing and better if she's just creeping...)
*More sad eyesex:
*Jane with gun makes me happy
*Luckily the episode ends with some happy Rizzles lovin'